


TXT: Pie or Fire

by SassyLassy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Non-Binary Gamzee Makara, Other, african-american tavros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 09:43:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2503307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassyLassy/pseuds/SassyLassy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat has managed to set Gamzee up for a blind date with one of Aradia’s friends from work. Only now comes the challenging part of getting Gamzee to look half way presentable, and show up to the blind date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	TXT: Pie or Fire

"You're kidding me. Please tell me you are kidding me. Tell me that you have reached down into the stinking depths that is your pants and pulled out the shittiest form of humor your idiotic brain can muster to show me this joke which you call your fashion sense. You look like an escapee from a local insane asylum built for clowns, you can NOT wear that to a blind date what do you want the guy to do turn tail and flee to the mountains of Borneo where he'll herd cows for a living for the rest of his life?"

Gamzee stood awkwardly in the hall way, before looking down at their clothing selection. The way Karkat, the bestest best friend in the history of forever, just described the clothing made it feel like the hours worth of rooting around in clothing piles were wasted and incapable of being worth anything.

"Jesus pole dancing Christ," Karkat pushed a hand against his head, groaning as he felt a migraine beginning to nibble at his frontal lobes, almost like an appetizer before it would slowly consume his entire brain. "You haven't done your laundry have you? Of course not. Because you actually deciding to get off your ass and do some adult chores would equate to a unicorn springing forth from Equius' spunk and granting wishes to all the good little girls and boys who drink their milk without being explicitly told to by their parental units."

The shorter man got to his feet and stormed past Gamzee into the bedroom, groaning as he looked upon the mess. "You've had a whole week to prepare for this blind date and you leave it until today to reveal you have nothing worth wearing? Great preparation asshole, just like when you read that book we were supposed tog read whole semester in one night before that big test in high school. I got no idea how you got around that... much less survived high school at all. Miracles. Obviously, nothing but miracles." Karkat began shoving stray pieces of clothing this way and that until he found the most decent looking clothing.

It didn't take too long, he shoved the clothes into Gamzee's small washing machine on a super quick cycle. Eighteen minutes, tops, it didn't take long for the poor mistreated articles of clothing to get a good wash. Then he wrung them out, and shoved them into the dryer which only took ten minutes to dry completely. During that time he had Gamzee sit that clown ass down on a chair and began to work at that rat nest which could be called hair on a good day. He wound up washing it in the sink as the clothing dried in the machine, and dried it with a hair dryer. Gamzee kept that awful casual clothing on, but now supported a towel around their shoulders to ensure they wouldn't end up completely soaked by the hair scrubbing.

Once the hair was washed and roughly dried with a towel and an old ass hair dryer which was probably older than the two of them Karkat grabbed his comb, picked up some gel, and proceeded to tame the beast which was Gamzee's hair. "And I expect you to shave that ridiculous goatee off of your chin it looks like a ball sack hanging off a dog's ass. I don't care if you feel like being a guy today or not it looks fucking disgusting." Karkat commented angrily as he tugged at the hair with his comb. Holy shit how long had it been since Gamzee had properly washed his hair?

"I ain't shavin' my goatee." Gamzee said grumpily, "Humiliatin' enough you're washin' my hair like I'm a little brat or some shit..."

"You practically ARE a little kid you dumb cluster fuck." Karkat snapped, giving that hair an extra hard yank which made Gamzee yelp out in pain. "You got me over here doing your washing, doing your hair, then what am I gonna have to fucking dress you? On top of that," he slicked even more gel onto the comb and yanked it through again. "I'm also dropping you off at the beach for this blind date."

Gamzee grumbled a little, before sighing. "Thanks Karkat... I wouldn't be going on this motherfuckin' date if it weren't for you..."

"You're damn right you're thankful." was the others answer, before sighing. "At least shave off your stubble. Make yourself look at least a little bit more respectable? This is a date, and appearance has got a big deal to do with it." while he may understand the literal 'beard' could help Gamzee face the upcoming date with a security rarely given to them it just didn't look very presentable at all. Forget the nerves that a non-binary individual could face when going on a blind date with someone who may balk at seeing somebody who didn't equate to either female or male.

He could remember a time when Gamzee was all but assaulted on the street for walking down it in a cute dress yet still sporting one of his ill-fated goatees. That rampaging moron had come out of nowhere and called Gamzee all kinds of horrendous things before attempting to actually rip the dress from him. If Karkat hadn't been there he wasn't sure just what Gamzee would have done to the asshole if he hadn't been there to pull the clown off of him. 

"Tell me about him again, Karkat?" Gamzee asked quietly, touching at the stubble smothered jaw. 

"Fine, I shall wet your whistle with my tales of the big fat nerd you're about to go on a date with. Granted, this information I am giving you is coming from the highly reliable source that is Aradia Medigo, y'know that chick I work with, you've met her. You commented on how miraculous her thick curly red hair was and called her freckles star kisses, it was fucking embarrassing to witness so I'm pretty sure you remember her."

Gamzee thought for a minute, concentrating as best as their befuddled brain could. Star kisses and miracle hair... he suddenly remembered her, the girl in the supermarket where Karkat worked at. There was Karkat behind the cold meats deli front, all dressed up in his fancy little outfit that he hated so much and there was the girl who was a cashier at the front of the store. She was a cutie to be sure, with bright blue eyes and there was a distinct memory of a skeleton necklace hanging around her neck. "Oh yeah her!" man she had hair that looked like it could out tangle rose thorns.

"Yeah. She's got this friend who's been wanting to get back onto the dating scene. Apparently he's a big nerd who goes to those conventions for fans of kid shows and dresses up sometimes. Works as a vet assistant I think, or as a receptionist slash assistant, something along those lines so he likes animals that's a plus for you yeah?" considering Gamzee used to 'rescue' animals all throughout their childhood together showed that they had a soft spot for the creatures. "Plays those video games, he's a real indoor kind of person but like I said he wants to get out there and she mentioned him to me and when I mentioned you back that you've been looking for someone to catch up with viola, blind date happens and look at this I made fucking miracles happen with your hair it almost looks decent and passable."

And there, looking back into the mirror at Gamzee, was the most presentable that they had ever looked in their whole life. The thick black hair was combed and shaped into a style that looked neither overly masculine or feminine, the tips curled a little, and Gamzee felt like they might well cry from happiness because holy shit Karkat was a miracle worker. "Don't fucking cry," Karkat seemed to be able to not only read minds but read into the future a little as he washed the comb in the sink. "Can't have you breaking down and crying about hair of all things in the world to cry about. Cry about legless orphans or something."

But it was too late, he had long arms wrapping around him and being drawn close to the bony chest that was Gamzee Makara's and had the top of his head smothered in kisses. Needless to say there was a lot of loud shouting emitting from the apartment which drifted out onto the street where people passing by had to wonder if somebody was being attacked within their home. Regardless of the hugging and kissing Karkat soon had Gamzee standing before the mirror looking far more presentable than they looked before. A long sleeved purple shirt, a sleeveless long grey shirt/dress that went down to their knees; the front being higher than the back which reached to half way down their calves. Upon Gamzee's feet were their favorite accessory, the purple, black and white coloured Doc Martins with rainbow laces. Further up their person was a nice black studded belt hugging their slender waist, and further up was a nice scarf that had whited out skulls designed onto it. If need be it could be tugged up to settle part of it over Gamzee's head but after all that work on that hair no way would they want to hide that hair.

Accessories were important of course and soon there were the wristbands, big sunglasses, and purple shoulder bag which hung off Gamzee's shoulder. Least of all was make up, which Gamzee applied with the same amount of attention to detail one might compare to Van Gough doing one of his paintings. Karkat never got make up, so he didn't bother having to watch the other paint on those layers of foundation and smoother, shadow, lip liner or lipstick and eyeliner and all that stuff that he didn't rightly understand. However he was glad that Gamzeee had, at least, trimmed that goatee back so it wasn't so scraggly looking and actually looked almost good now it was shorter and more manageable.

It wasn't until they were half way to the beach that Gamzee began to squirm within the car seat next to Karkat's own. "Are... I dunno Karkat are you sure about this?"

"I did not just spend over an hour getting you ready so you can turn chicken shit not ten minutes towards the grand finale, Gamzee." Karkat warned, hands gripping the steering wheel. 

"But what if he ain't into... into people like me? What if he just wants a guy, or a girl, and not someone like me who ain't rightly either?" Gamzee asked, worrying their hands together now, looking down at the Capricorn ring they wore on their middle right finger. "Are you sure he'd be okay with that?"

Karkat sighed heavily, "Gamzee did you really think I would set you up on a blind date with some asshole who might turn into one of THOSE spunk wads? I told Aradia you're non-binary and she asked the guy if it was fine and he said himself YES. Yes, Gamzee, it is fine that you're who you are and this guy still wants to meet you and talk to you and even if this whole ordeal ends up with you just having another friend to hold in your belt and nothing at all romantic well shit, is that really a fucking let down? Friendship is just as fucking important as romance is if not more so you know that, I know that, so if all you get out of this is a new friend then you've gotten a new friend. A friend who accepts you and wants to see you and talk to you and hang out and do that shit we do. All right?" 

If it weren't for the fact they were in a car and travelling at the safe speed limit Gamzee may well have thrown themselves onto Karkat for a second time this night but, thankfully, they were so there wasn't any horrible car accident which would have cut the whole evening off before it could even start. Karkat's cellphone suddenly clicked noisily, sounding like an angry crab, which was his message notification. He didn't look at it until he was stopped at a red light, and after tugging his phone from his pocket and looking over the screen he nodded his head. "Good news, Aradia says she just dropped him off on the pier. Next to The Dolphin Fish Shack, you know the place?"

Gamzee nodded anxiously.

"Right, so," he pocketed his phone again after typing a quick 'b there 2 drop clown off soon'. "His name is Tavros, you remember what he looks like I sent you that photo she gave me."

Remember? Gamzee couldn't stop looking at it ever since Karkat had sent him the photo. The photo had been of a young man who was quite literally the cutest, and attractive, man Gamzee'd ever lay eyes on. He was average in height at least from what the photo showed, maybe just a little bit taller than Karkat was? And Karkat only came up to Gamzee's shoulders... but there he stood holding a platter of cookies, wearing an apron, and grinning like an absolute loon. But the grin was so genuine, so real and pure and full of pride not only for the cookies he no doubt made himself, but pride in himself. He had dark brown skin, deep beautiful green eyes, and pitch black hair which was certainly the most interesting thing about him. Considering half of it was cornrows but the other half was a mo hawk. 

This Tavros looked, above all else, approachable. 

But Gamzee had been silently freaking about just how you say hello to somebody you'd been set up on a blind date with. 'Hi were you waiting for me', or 'Sorry were you waiting long', or 'Holy shit you are adorable hi I'm Gamzee'? There were so many options available and Gamzee had no idea what to pick or go with. Fretting a bit, they looked out the window. "I just gotta hope he likes me." Gamzee mused quietly.

"Well if he doesn't than he's a moron who has no good taste when it comes to getting to know people beyond his possible safe comfort zoned bubble of CIS people and holy shit I'm beginning to sound like Kankri quick, turn on the radio to drown this shit out!"

What was left of the car ride was full of a mixture of laughter and bad music playing over the radio until finally Karkat pulled up by the pier. It stretched out before them, supported on beams, with small stalls and means of entertainment being set upon it. Beneath it was the ocean, lapping gently against the sand and posts which kept the pier up. It had taken years for it to be completed and now it was a huge draw for tourists to the beach. It was a big economy boost even if there'd been a big fuss about it at first by locals who didn't want shit changing. But now it was also the meeting place for Gamzee and Tavros who was out there already, waiting patiently, while Gamzee stewed in their seat.

"...am I going to have to kick you out?" Karkat asked.

"No."

"Okay, okay listen. If he's a creep or starts making you feel iffy or like shit you text me something and I'll come by and get you out of there. Not saying you can't handle yourself I've seen you break enough noses during parades and shit to show you can manage yourself but let's do this in a way that won't result in a police record yeah?" Karkat offered, "How's that sound? Old safety support net Karkat just lurking in the fucking shadows like how Batman works."

Gamzee smiled faintly before nodding. And once the safety text words had been arranged ('pie' would mean 'I'm fine you can go', while 'fire' meant 'Get me out of here) Karkat watched Gamzee get out of the car. "Good luck." he called out, "And try not to get lipstick all over his face or hickey up his neck!" he called, purposely loudly, but before Gamzee could retaliate or even shake a fist he sped off to find a park. 

So there they stood, on the pier, with the cool sea breeze gently ruffling the scarf and dress Karkat had picked out for them to wear. Gamzee took a few deep breaths before breathing harshly into a palm, and quickly sniffing at it to ensure that the breath was fresh and not stale. Then they were kindly reminded by the gentle scent of peppermint that they'd brushed their teeth before applying the lip liner and lipstick. Standing straight Gamzee took a few more deep, calming breaths, before beginning a strong arm swinging walk towards The Dolphin Fish Shack which could not be missed given the big glowing neon dolphin that made up their sign.

And there he was, standing awkwardly outside. Gamzee couldn't mistaken him for anyone else not with that hair of his. He was wearing a hoodie to help keep away the cool beach air which was a nice blue hue that made Gamzee think of the sky on a clear summer day. There were black jeans, and upon his feet were... socks and sandals? Well, who was Gamzee to judge on fashion considering the mess that they had originally picked out for tonight? They looked comfortable, much like their own shoes were Hella comfortable to wear. 

Tavros was holding something against his chest and upon closer inspection Gamzee realized they were flowers. Motherfucker had actually bought flowers to a blind date and that was the sweetest thing to happen today beyond Karkat going all out in helping Gamzee put some spit and shine into their appearance. They were brightly coloured and various, tightly held in soft purple and pink coloured clear paper and tied with a white bow. 

They had spotted each other by now. No doubt Karkat had given Aradia a photo of Gamzee as well to help the other recognize them. Suddenly Gamzee was questioning just which photo Karkat had sent. He prayed it was something suitable and not one that made them look like an absolute slob and fool like they almost always was in real life. Their eyes met and lingered for a second before breaking out of nerves, and Gamzee chewed at that bottom lip before finally taking the first few steps before the other began walking towards them as well.

"Hello-"

"Hey there-"

Both had begun talking at once so immediately they stopped and stared at one another, Gamzee feeling their cheeks darken beneath the make up. Oh boy.

"Hah sorry-"

"I'm so sorry-"

Again, both talking over one another. Gamzee had never felt so flustered but suddenly the flowers were being gently eased towards them by Tavros, who was looking down at them.

"I, I uh. I hope it isn't too intrusive of me to bring you flowers but, but I figured... I wanted to. It felt right to, you know? I'm sorry I don't know do you like them oh," he suddenly pulled back, his green eyes widening as he looked up at Gamzee since this person was incredibly tall and beautiful and intimidating but wow wow. "Are you allergic I didn't even take that into consideration I am so sorry I don't mean to--"

"Relax man," Gamzee smiled softly as they reached out, gently taking hold of the flowers and feeling the stark warmth of Tavros' hands as their hands met. "I love them. This is the sweetest shit I ever had given to me on a date."

Tavros lit up at that, smiling that big wide smile that Gamzee had been smiling fondly at in their phone for a week. 

It did not come as a surprise to Karkat when the word 'pie' soon was sent to his phone, no surprise at all.


End file.
